Click Here
Keep up-to-date on all the announcements and website news!
My policy is to follow the Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12); I hate spam too, and will never sell or give away your email address.
Friendship
1837, Southwest of Three Forks, in what would later become the State of Montana.
"Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel."
~ Proverbs 27:9 ~
t seemed
physically impossible for Mary to sit still for more than two minutes at a time.
She swallowed her supper without chewing, and every time Emma told Mary to do something,
Emma had to repeat herself before Mary listened.
"Will he bring books?" asked Mary, as she finally stoked the fireplace
with more wood as Emma had asked. "Will Mr. Hughes bring books?"
"I don't know, Mary, but I wish you'd calm down." Emma glanced at Josiah.
He worked cross-legged on the buffalo robes with Mary's moccasins, busily saying
nothing. Emma wished he'd speak up, and answer some of Mary's questions.
"Can he be my friend, Ma? Do you think he will be my friend?"
"I don't know, Mary. Now, please, settle down. Mr. Hughes only agreed to be
your teacher while he's here, in the mountains."
"I know, Ma." Mary squatted beside the fireplace, her eyes glittering with
hopefulness. "I wish he would be my friend. I surely do want one, Ma."
"I'm your friend, aren't I, Little One?" Emma stroked Mary's braid as they
both enjoyed the warmth of the hearth. Mary had been speaking much of friends that
evening, and ever since, Josiah had been increasingly silent. "You have two
friends right here. Your pa and me. And then there's your grandmother, and your great-grandpap."
"But," Mary sighed dully, "they are family."
"That doesn't mean they can't also be friends."
"But I want a real one," said Mary, wistfully dropping onto the buffalo
robes and then hugging her knees to her chest. "I want a real friend, Ma, one
who is not my family. I am tired of being the only one who does not have a friend."
"Mary, if you can't count family, then I'm the same as you. I don't have anyone
but you and Josiah."
"But," Mary looked up at her wistfully, "you had friends in... where
you came from, in the white man's world."
"I came from Indiana," said Emma, "but I had very few real friends."
"Why?" Mary gazed at her in bewilderment.
"I was different." Emma tried to sound as though it didn't matter, but
knew she failed. The strained sound of her own voice told her it had mattered, and
still did. "Without my spectacles, I can't see very far, and when I was little,
the other children teased me. I suppose it made me shy when I grew up, for I never
possessed the happy ability to make new friends easily."
"I will never tease you for that, Ma. Besides, you ain't so very blind. There
was worse in our village than you."
"Thank you, Mary."
Even though he didn't look up, Emma knew Josiah listened.
"You are my friend, Ma, but I still want a real friend. Someone who will like
me, even though I am not the same as them."
Opening her arms wide, Emma invited Mary to her side. When the girl came without
hesitation, with a smile and a hug in return, Emma said nothing more. She only hugged
Mary, quietly wishing the girl didn't so completely understand what it was like to
be different.
"Ma?" Mary's voice sounded a bit sleepy now, cuddled in Emma's arms. "When
I marry, will my husband be my friend, or will I feel the same?"
"The same?" Emma peered down at Mary, and noticed the girl's eyes growing
heavy with sleep. "What do you mean, Mary?"
"Will I still want a friend, or will he be my friend, because he is my husband?"
It was a very big question for such a small child.
"I believe," said Emma, trying to choose her words carefully, "if
you love someone enough to marry him, then he'd better be your friend, first. Don't
you think? Or else your days will be long, and the nights even longer."
"I want a friend, Ma," Mary said yawning, "even more than I want a
husband."
"Well," Emma smiled, "since you're only nearing six year old, I should
hope so." She kissed Mary's cheek. "You're still very young, so there's
plenty of time for both. Come, it's bedtime."
Stretching her arms high above her head, Mary yawned. "I am not tired."
"Then you can lay down until you are. Come, Little One, before you fall asleep,
and I have to carry you." Emma lightly tickled Mary, and Mary's eyes brightened
a moment before closing.
"I'll take her," said Josiah. He set aside the moccasins, got to his feet,
then lifted the tired girl onto her bed.
Sleepily, Mary looked about for Emma. "I want Ma."
"I'm coming," said Emma, crawling from the robes to Mary's small bed. She
heard Mary's prayer, gave and received a goodnight kiss, then tucked the child in
with one last hug.
Mary ended her protest with a reluctant yawn. "I want to stay awake."
"Goodnight, Mary." Emma kissed her daughter, smiling when Mary's eyes closed
and remained shut. Such a dear child, Emma thought, as she returned to the robes.
Josiah resumed his work on the small pair of moccasins, but scooted over to make
room for Emma to lay down.
She touched his buckskins, resting her hand on his knee. "You've been awfully
quiet, tonight."
Josiah grunted. "She's in for an awful lot of heartbreak, Emma." Emma followed
Josiah's gaze to their sleeping daughter. "What's the point of birthing in life,
when you know life will only bring it pain?"
"There's more to life than pain, Josiah."
He harrumphed. "I reckon, but it sure is a big part of living."
Folding her legs beneath her, Emma sat up to look into Josiah's face as he bent over
his work. "What's wrong? You were completely silent while Mary talked of wanting
a friend."
"If I ask you a question, Emma, will you answer it truthfully?"
"I'm not in the habit of lying, Josiah."
"I ain't saying you are. I just want to know something. Something important.
Mary may not want to count family among her friends, but I do." He leveled his
eyes with Emma's. "Am I yer friend?"
"Of course you are."
"Am I good friend?"
Emma gazed at Josiah, not knowing whether to laugh.
"Mary wanted to know if her future husband would also be her friend, and it
got me to thinking." Josiah's dark eyes searched Emma's face. "I got to
wondering if I'm as good a friend to you, as you are to me. I ain't thinking so much
of myself to say that I am, only that I hope I am."
The quick assurance on Emma's tongue faltered, his words taking her by surprise.
Josiah wasn't in the habit of humbling himself before her like this.
"I want to know," he said, touching the hand resting on his knee. "Tell
me, Emma. Am I a good friend to you?"
"You are," Emma finally managed.
He pierced her with his stare. "Yer not just saying that to please me, are you?"
Emma leaned into him, touching her lips to his cheek. "You are my dearest friend,
Josiah."
"Even after all that's passed between us?"
"Yes."
He gently squeezed her hand. "Thanks, Em."
When he picked up the small moccasins, Emma lay down to watch him work. Firelight
flickered against his features, betraying the dampness hiding in the corners of his
eyes. She touched Josiah's wrist, and he paused to look at her.
"I'll join you in a bit," his voice hushed against the quietness of the
cabin. "I want to get these finished up fer Mary, so she can wear them tomorrow."
"Josiah?"
"Go to sleep, Emma. I'll lay down when I'm done."
"I love you, Josiah. I'll love you and will be your friend for as long as I
live."
"You will?" He quickly brushed something wet from his eye. "Do me
a favor, Emma, and go to sleep."
"Josiah, what's wrong?" She sat up again, and he exhaled his annoyance
even though his arm tugged her close.
"We're both knowing I don't deserve you, Emma. I got a better wife than I should,
and I've never had a better friend than you."
"But what, Josiah?"
He turned to look at Mary, sleeping with the head of one of her dolls resting against
her cheek. "What's going to become of Mary, if her future ain't as blessed?"
"I pray God will bless her even more than He has us," said Emma. "I've
been praying that for some time now."
"I never thought it was possible to be friends with yer spouse, but you've proved
me wrong, Emma. I only pray to God that Mary can find such a haven as that. Someone
dear to her heart, that'll go on loving her, no matter what trouble comes."
"For as long as we have her, Josiah, we are her haven. When the time comes to
let her go, I trust God will choose a good man for our Mary." Emma watched Josiah
mull over his worries. She touched her finger to his chin, but his expression remained
the same.
"Give it to the Lord, Josiah."
"What happens if she marries someone who beats her, instead of loving her like
he should?" Josiah's eyes narrowed in contempt at the very idea of such a man.
Slipping the unfinished moccasins from Josiah's lap, Emma pulled his hunting shirt
over his head. He absently complied.
"What if he beats her, Emma? What if I ain't around to stop it?"
"She isn't married yet, Josiah. She's still a little girl, and you've already
got her married and moved away." He looked so worried, he didn't notice Emma
coaxing him down to bed. "Whatever happens, Josiah, trust her future to the
Lord."
"He'd better not beat Mary."
"Who?"
"Mary's husband."
Lying side by side, Emma observed the worried crease in his forehead. Josiah was
lost in thought, troubles that had not yet come, burdening him down like a man struggling
beneath a sack of weights.
"What about our baby?" asked Josiah, his voice ladened with worry. "What's
going to happen to him?"
"Him? What if it's a girl?"
"What if he can't find a good woman like you, Emma?"
She pushed herself up to kiss Josiah's shoulder, his chin, and then lingered above
his mouth. "Give it to the Lord," she mumbled through the kiss.
Josiah didn't need any more distraction, Emma's love being more than enough. One
broad hand touched the small of her back, while another blindly grasped at the bedding,
until both were concealed beneath the blanket.
The air hung sleepily in the shelter, lulling George back to slumber until the emptiness
in his stomach demanded action.
"Will," George cast a boot at his friend. "Wake up, Will. It's morning
and I've got to get you fed and cleaned up before I leave."
Will stretched out, and scratched the beard covering his chin. "You're going
somewhere?"
"Don't you remember? I'm going to be at Josiah's cabin, teaching Mary. Maybe
you're getting forgetful in your old age," said George, grinning as the boot
came hurling back at him.
"I'm not that old." Will pulled himself into a seated position, and looked
about for breakfast. Will was old enough to be George's father, a fact George sometimes
wished were true.
Over a meal of dried elk meat, George opened his journal and began to write down
his thoughts. His pencil halfway through the first sentence, Will broke all concentration
by talking. Worse, he waited for George to answer.
"Scribbling away in that book again?"
"What does it look like?"
"What are you writing? Anything about me?"
"Your name comes up once in a while," George said over his shoulder. He
jotted down his few thoughts as quickly as he could before he had to put the journal
away and help Will.
"What are you saying about me?" Will had taken another bite of food, and
George could hear it when Will spoke. "You're always scribbling in that journal
of yours, and I want to know what you're saying about me."
George closed the journal with a decisive thud. "These are my own thoughts,
not meant for others to read but myself. Do you want a trip outside?"
"I reckon. But I still want to know what you're saying about me, behind my back."
Though George had a habit of complying with Will, the journal was private and George
resisted as politely as he could.
"I'll straighten your blankets before I leave," said George, hoping if
he ignored the question, the subject would be dropped. "And I'll leave some
food by your bed in case I don't return before lunch."
"You're fixing to leave me here, all by myself, until noon?" asked Will,
as George helped Will outside and into the snow. "I don't think I like that."
Hefting Will onto his only leg, George steadied them both so they wouldn't fall.
"If you get lonely, sit by the entrance and watch for buffalo."
"Buffalo." Will grunted disbelievingly. "There aren't any buffalo,
this high in the Rockies."
"Then watch for rabbits," said George, propping Will beside a snow covered
rock where Will could have enough privacy to drop his trousers without fear of women
happening by. It was because of this, because of Josiah's woman and little Mary,
that Will demanded they go so far up the mountain. Today, George decided on a closer
location.
"Rabbits." Will spit at the snow, then looked at George with weary patience.
George had become familiar with that look, the look that said he was green as grass,
a youngster who didn't know up from down. An idiot. Will had never said those exact
words, but he didn't have to. That look said it all.
"Then clean your shotgun, I don't care," said George, slumping against
the other side of the rock to wait. "Find something that'll keep you busy until
I get back."
"Why can't I come?" asked Will, everything hidden behind the rock but the
top of his black head. Hair stuck out in every angle, a testament to Will's oblivion
to the civilized world. Will had partially surrendered by shaving, but the whiskers
were already growing back, and before long, he would look like the hairy mountain
man George knew him to be.
"I want to come," said Will. "I'm not going to sit in that shelter,
while you're having yourself a good time."
"I'm teaching an ignorant little girl to read and write," said George,
checking Will's progress before stepping away to look at the valley down the slope.
"Do you call that a good time?"
"I call that being sociable." Will hollered, and George came to help him
up. "I hope you're going to treat Mary better that that," said Will, "better
than what she is. She may come from an unfortunate parentage, but it isn't right
to hold it against her."
"I still can't believe that about Josiah and the girl's true mother," George
shook his head, having only been informed of it yesterday. Will had told him. And
now regretted it, from the caution George saw in Will's face.
"It isn't Mary's fault," said Will, leaning into George as the two men
slowly worked their way back to the shelter. "I never should've told you. Josiah
told me in confidence, when I asked him who Mary's real ma was. Mrs. Brown had said
the girl wasn't hers, so I asked Josiah in private. He told me, and now that I've
gone and told you, you're going to give the girl a difficult time!" Will looked
truly flustered.
"It makes little difference to me, I assure you," said George, easing Will
down so the man could elbow his way inside. "Bastard or not, she's still--"
"Saying things like that could get us in a heap of trouble," said Will,
interrupting George without apology. "We need Josiah's help, and besides that,
I've taken a liking to the man. He's a rare breed of wild man and gentleman, and
I won't stand by and let his daughter be mistreated-- bastard or not. Mrs. Brown
has taken the girl as her own, and that's all that matters. Mary has a ma, and if
I haven't wrecked things too badly, she still has a teacher."
"I told you last night, I wasn't going to back out." George felt impatience
welling within him. "I freely acknowledge we owe Josiah this, and much more.
I've already promised you I would treat Mary politely, and I mean it."
"I want to go with you," said Will.
"I'll only be gone until noon," said George. "You won't get lonely."
"I don't care about that. I'm coming with you."
Irritation taking hold, George ignored Will. He picked up his remaining volume of
Sir William Blackstone, and crawled through the entrance with Will's protests sounding
in his ears.
Tramping down the mountain in his snowshoes, George wished for the day to be already
over. He would teach Mary, and then return to the shelter. No one back home would
ever need know he was in the company of these people. He would get through this,
survive, and go back home with his head held high.
He would be polite.
George adjusted his capote, took a deep breath, and knocked on the split log door
of the small cabin. Inside, he heard the indistinct shouts of Mary, evidently celebrating
his arrival.
"Just get through this," George muttered to himself.
The door opened, and the woman greeted him with the same warm smile as the day before.
She was a beautiful woman, George admitted to himself as she showed him inside. It
was no wonder Josiah had risked so much, to have her for his own.
The mountain man in question looked up from where he worked leather strips into a
webbing for snowshoes. George glanced at Mary's feet, realizing she was wearing her
new moccasins.
"How's Will?" asked Josiah.
George lifted one shoulder in a careless shrug. "Same as yesterday." The
woman was arranging some hides on the floor, where he was apparently supposed to
hold school. "If it isn't any inconvenience to you, ma'am, I'd rather work at
the table."
"Oh?" she looked at him with a smiling face, then urged him to shed his winter
gear. "Mary," she said, turning to the now subdued little girl beside her,
"show Mr. Hughes to the table."
Mary looked up at George, her expression timid. She grinned unabashedly when she
saw the book under his arm.
"Do you need more light, Mr. Hughes?" the woman asked as George took a
seat at the table. Mary scooted an upright log beside him, obviously eager to get
started.
"No, ma'am, this is fine," said George. He nodded his gratitude anyway,
when Emma cracked open the window shutters, allowing light to spill onto the table.
"What is in the book?" asked Mary, her dark eyes flashing with hungry curiosity.
"It's a law book," said George, opening it so she could see. "This
volume is the first in a set called 'Commentaries on the Laws of England,' by Sir
William Blackstone." He continued, explaining the importance of law, particularly
the profound significance of Sir William's influence on America. He waxed long concerning
material that his aunt in Massachusetts had complained was "dry, uninteresting."
But little Mary Brown sat rooted to her log chair, eyes wide with interest. The rights
of people, the judicial process, justice-- all kept the girl absolutely still. Her
expression was so fixed, George felt as though he were speaking great words of wisdom,
rather than the ramblings of a run-away law student.
After several minutes of expounding the law, George realized his mistake, and set
about the task of finding out how much his small pupil understood of the alphabet.
She knew them all, from A to Z. She could read short words, though had an impossible
time of anything longer than three letters. This, George decided, was a good place
to start.
"Sound the word out, Mary," he said, guiding her eyes to the word on the
page.
Mary tried, then sighed when he told her she had gotten it wrong. Again and again
she tried, until George gave up and moved to the next word. Again, she couldn't manage,
and he moved to the next. George felt a twinge of satisfaction in her failure, but
when he saw a tear squeeze from her eyelid, and escape down her cheek, George's victory
promptly faded.
"Now, now, dry your tears and let's begin again. Perhaps I'm going too quickly
for you. I'll slow down." George tried to give her an encouraging smile, and
she seemed to perk up with the kindness. "When you see two vowels side by side
like this, the second vowel is silent, but the first is long. Understand?"
Mary gazed at him, mystified, but nodded anyway. George had a hunch she didn't understand,
and went over it until he noticed a light behind her eyes. She understood, and proved
it by reading the next word.
The broad grin on Mary's face when she read a word correctly was infectious, and
before long, George found himself cringing when she made a mistake, and celebrating
her small victories right along with her.
He quite forgot that her pa was sitting nearby, most likely keeping an eye on him
to make sure everything went all right. It wasn't until the end of a few sentences,
when Mary exclaimed to Josiah, "Pa! I am reading! Did you hear me read?"
that George suddenly became aware of the two other people in the room. The couple
tried to behave as though they were too engrossed in work of their own to notice,
but Josiah's quick smile to Mary said otherwise. Josiah was following very closely,
and so was the woman.
The woman. The white woman who was Josiah's wife. She smiled thankfully at George
and he smiled back. Her very demeanor was one of a mother, guarding over her child,
protective of its feelings, delighted with its successes. And yet, she was not the
girl's true mother.
"Did I read it right, George?"
George's attention had wandered, and Mary's voice called him back to their lesson.
"I'm sorry, I didn't hear."
"Mary." Mrs. Brown gave Mary a reproving look. "We do not call people
by their first name without their permission."
Mary frowned. "Pa does. I think he does, don't you, Pa?"
At being called on the spot, Josiah cleared his throat. "I don't reckon I ever
gave it any thought, Mary. But if yer ma says not to, then you best obey."
"I can call you George, can't I, Mr. Hughes?" Mary turned to him, and George
found himself once again smiling. With such an engaging child, it was hard not to.
"I suppose it's all right," he heard himself say.
"Can we finish this page afore lunch?"
"That's 'before,' and no, that'll take too long. We'll resume tomorrow."
George shut the book, and Mrs. Brown immediately closed the shutters. The cabin had
been steadily growing colder with the window even partially open, and George was
glad to have it shut again.
"I'm afraid tomorrow is out of the question," said Mrs. Brown, returning
to the fire to resume her mending. "School is closed on the Lord's Day."
"I'd forgotten tomorrow was Sunday," said George. He picked up his book,
but remained in his chair. He was ready to leave, but didn't get up.
"If you want, you and Mr. Shaw can come for service," said Mrs. Brown.
"It's not anything much, just some singing and reading from the Bible."
His thumb fumbled at a corner of the law book. "Yes, ma'am, we'll come."
"Good." That warm smile again, and then a hug for Mary. That was Mrs. Brown.
He put up no fight when invited to lunch, and stayed the entire afternoon, saying
very little but observing the family together. He would've been loath to admit it
in public, but he liked what he saw.
From the moment George returned, Will had eyed him angrily. Why hadn't he come back
sooner? Had anything bad happened? Did he know that Will had been sitting there,
thinking the worst, yet helpless to do anything about it? George answered Will, then
went on to relate the first day of tutoring the Brown girl. Since George admitted
to making Mary cry at one point, Will didn't consider it an entire success, but for
the first day, Will declared it a promising start.
Sunday morning, George and Will arrived at the cabin to the welcome of Josiah and
his wife. The last vestiges of shyness from Mary were gone, and she sat beside George,
sharing his Bible as Mrs. Brown read from her worn Bible. Mary tracked George's finger
as he followed Mrs. Brown from verse to verse, a visual aid to help Mary recognize
words as they were being read aloud. Even though Josiah sat beside his wife on the
robes during the service, George had a feeling Josiah couldn't read, for the buckskin
clad trapper gazed blankly at Emma's open Bible, ignorant of where she was on the
page.
Then Mrs. Brown sang a hymn, with Josiah doing his best to keep up with words that
were obviously unfamiliar to him. It was a novel thing to watch Josiah, a roughened
man at ease in the wilds of the wilderness, now stumbling through a hymn about the
tender mercies of the white man's God.
In George's eyes, Josiah was out of place. All that morning, he observed Josiah,
trying to detect any marks of deception, any displays of disbelief in Josiah's profession
of religion. As savage as he thought Josiah was, by the end of the day, George confessed
to Will that he thought Josiah to truly be in earnest. It was a difficult admission
for George, one that hushed Will into thoughtful silence.
Lying in bed, awake and full of disturbing thoughts, George was only thankful his
father was back East. Thank God, his father wasn't present to see what was happening
to his youngest son.
February waxed cold with snow filled skies and warm fireside nights. George kept
coming to the lodge for Mary's lessons, their routine becoming as normal and everyday
as keeping fresh water in the water bucket. Josiah watched Emma as she bloomed bit
by bit, her belly protruding to a noticeable swell by mid March. Still the snows
came, and with them anxiety over the baby.
Only this time, the anxiety wasn't Josiah's. He knew Emma wanted a woman present,
someone to consult and help with the birthing. A woman to confide in over what was
normal, and what wasn't, while you were expecting a child.
One night near the end of March, Josiah was awakened by Emma, tugging at his arm.
"I'm sleeping, Em and so should you." Josiah yawned groggily, only dimly
aware of the wide awake face peering down at him. Emma was sitting up in bed, her
hand on her belly.
"I felt it move, Josiah. I felt our baby move."
"The quickening's started, then?" He placed his large hand on the swell
to feel for movement.
"I pray it will be all right, but oh, how I miss my mother." Emma stroked
her belly, then placed her hand on Josiah's. "I wish I could speak to her, Josiah.
I'd ask her so many things, things a mother would pass on to her daughter upon the
arrival of a first child. I miss her so much, Josiah."
"You ain't worrying again, are you, Emma? You were the one telling me to give
my troubles to the Lord."
A small laugh parted Emma's soft lips. "Sometimes, I think I need reminding."
"Nestle with me, Em." Josiah raised his arm, inviting her to snuggle against
his chest. When she came to him, he hugged her tight, enveloping her protectively
with his arm. "I've been thinking, Emma, and I want you to hear me out afore
you go disagreeing."
"Go on, I'm listening."
"You're needing a woman around, someone to help with Mary and the baby. I want
to go after my ma, and bring her back to live with us." He gently squeezed his
wife. "What do you say, Emma?"
"What do you mean 'go after'? Isn't Cora miles away by now?"
"I reckon, but if I wait until the snow melts, I risk her moving farther North,
as the Blackfoot follow the buffalo."
"But winter's hardly over. Surely, you're not planning to leave while there's
still snow on the ground. What if you get caught in a blizzard, get hurt, and there's
no one to help?"
"I've been on my own plenty of times, Emma. I know my way around these mountains.
I'll be fine. And I'm not planning on anything definite, not unless you're in agreement."
"Would you take George with you? At least then, you wouldn't be alone."
Josiah could feel Emma stiffen against him, and knew she feared for his safety. Seasoned
mountaineer or not, it was a dangerous thing to be on your own, and Emma understood
that all too well.
"No, I want George and Will to stay with you. They wouldn't be any help when
I found the Blackfoot, anyways. I've thought about this a lot, Emma, and this needs
to be done. The idea to go after Ma has come to me before, but I couldn't leave you
and Mary. Now that George and Will are here, I can go."
"How long will you be gone?" Josiah caught the dread in Emma's voice.
"I ain't leaving if you don't want me to, Emma."
"If you go, how long would it be?" Emma pressed her hand to his biceps,
her fingers constricting his muscles tightly.
"I ain't knowing. Long enough to find where the Blackfoot are camped, and then
bring back Ma. Depending on how deep the snows are, it could be fer a month or two."
"Two months." Fear filled Emma's voice. "No, I don't want you to leave."
"I need to go, Emma."
"You said you wouldn't if I didn't agree, and I don't. So that's that."
"Emma," Josiah caught her hand before it slipped from his arm. "I
don't want you to go through birthing without a woman handy. Ma will come. If I ask
her, I know she'll come."
"It's too dangerous, Josiah. What if the Blackfoot haven't entirely forgiven
you yet? You could be killed!"
"I'm not thinking of myself. I'm doing this fer you and Mary. Think what it'll
mean to Mary, to have Cora with us."
"I want Cora here, you know I do, but not if it means you getting killed. Josiah,
I'll face this birth all by myself if I have to, but I'm not letting you go to your
death."
He groaned softly, not willing to voice his worries out loud to Emma. If he wanted
her agreement though, he knew he had to.
"Emma, do you remember speaking of yer ma, and how she had trouble giving birth?
And do you recollect what happened to Mary's ma, after Mary was born? I've never
fergotten that. If there's something I can do to help you, I will."
In the dim firelight of their shared bed, Emma turned to face him. "I won't
die in childbirth, and since I'm stronger than my mother, there's no great emergency."
"What if there is?" asked Josiah.
"What if you get killed?" asked Emma.
"Emma, if I thought I was going to my demise, I wouldn't go. I wouldn't do that
to you and Mary. When I head back, I'll make certain I'm not followed, and the Blackfoot
won't ever know about George and Will. I'll make sure of it."
She was silent.
"I'm going fer Cora, Emma."
"What about our agreement?"
With a groan that threatened to awaken Mary, Josiah sat up on the robes, the blanket
falling in his lap. "I can't wait any longer fer the snow to melt. Ma will be
farther North, just when yer needing her most. Agree with me, Emma. I need you to
agree. I ain't going to sit by and watch, and do nothing while you struggle with
yer birthing. Let me do this fer you, Emma. Just let me go."
Emma closed her eyes so tightly, he feared she was in pain. "Promise me you'll
come back, Josiah."
"Of course I'll come back. I'm only going fer Cora." Josiah felt indignation
tighten his chest. "I ain't leaving for but a short while, Emma. I'm coming
back."
"I know you are." The resignation in Emma's response was palpable, and
Josiah knew she would let him go. "I'm afraid," she confessed. "I'm
afraid you'll go back, and not want to return."
"Why would I want to do that? My heart is with you and Mary. Yer knowing that."
"Yes, I know." Her voice trembled, and Josiah stretched out beside his
wife, gathering her to him in one armful of deerskin and female softness. He inhaled
her scent, memorized her heartbeat, soaked in her love.
"I'll be faithful to you, Emma." He whispered the promise tenderly into
her ear, knowing deep down that was what held her back. "I swear before God
and you, I'll be faithful."
"Don't forget me, Josiah. Please, don't forget what we mean to each other."
"I promise, Emma, I won't."
Silence closed in around them as Emma wept softly into his buckskins. She was trusting
him enough to let him leave without her, to be around other women, women who might
be willing to share his bed. Josiah knew of some who would likely offer when he arrived
at the Blackfoot village, and he steeled himself to keep his promise.
If he had to lash himself to a tree, he would do it. Where he had failed in the past,
he would keep himself for just one. His wife.
"And wherefore one? That he [Josiah] might seek a godly seed [children]. Therefore
take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his
youth [Emma]."
~ Malachi 2:15 ~