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"Yes," replied the man, obviously under a great deal of stress, "I was forced. But, what you don't understand is that when it was happening to me, I enjoyed it."

Abby saw the sincere look in his brown eyes, and realized that he was struggling to be completely honest with her. Something, however, didn't add up.

"Jake," said Abby, "I can't conceive how you could say such a thing! It doesn't make sense!"

"When they were forcing me to have sex, my body reacted to them!" argued Jake, his face flushed with the shame of those words.

For a moment, Abby didn't know how to respond. Then she was reminded by the Holy Spirit of something that even Dr. Jacoby had affirmed was a common occurrence.

"You know that Uncle Terry was also abused as a little boy," she recalled. "He never had it as bad as you, but it was hell just the same. Uncle Terry said that his stepfather often told him after he was abused, that he had wanted it. He said that by the way Uncle Terry had looked at his stepfather, or talked, or walked across the room, that he had even asked for it! Imagine telling that to a little boy-- that he had actually wanted and asked to be abused! Jake, I think you've been told a lie so many times, that a part of you believes it."

"But, I DID want it!" shouted Jake, jumping to his feet. "Can't you understand? I'm no good, Abby! I've even asked God to forgive me, but it won't work!"

"Of course it won't work," she argued. "That's because you're trying to repent of something you deep down know wasn't your fault! Sin has to have the ability to choose, otherwise it's not sin-- it's rape. God doesn't expect you to repent of something that wasn't your choice, in the first place."

"Abby, I'm gay," insisted Jake, his eyes leveling with hers.

"I find that very hard to believe," she replied.

Seeing that he wasn't yet convinced, Abby did something that shocked even Dr. Jacoby. She stood up and slapped Jake's face so hard, that it left a hand imprint on his cheek!

"Abby..." objected Dr. Jacoby.

"It's all right," said Jake, his face still stinging, "I deserve it."

"Did that hurt?" asked Abby, in a voice that told Jake she wasn't angry.

"A little," he admitted, "but I had it coming."

"It's only natural to feel pain when someone slaps you," she explained, "because that's the way God created you. To have felt pleasure against your will doesn't make you gay-- it makes you human."

Dr. Jacoby nodded his head in agreement. Jake stared thoughtfully at her. He had to admit that she was making sense.

"I can't believe we're talking about this," said Abby, "but I want to get it settled once and for all. Your conscience is bothering you because you think you're gay. Let me ask you a question: do you want to be around other men?"

"No, I don't," replied Jake, "because I'm afraid of what I might feel."

"Then this isn't about desire," concluded Abby, "it's about fear. You're afraid that you'll become what you hate, and that can't happen to you, if you don't let it. Sin was their choice, just as it is for me and for you. If you're clinging to God, and I have every reason to believe that you are, then you have nothing to fear. You're not gay, Jake," she sighed, "you're just... very confused."

The young man sat back down on the couch, thinking over what Abby had said.

"Dr. Jacoby tried to tell me the same thing, but I didn't really understand it until now," he said, his face deep in thought. "I always felt guilty, and yet when I tried to shed myself of that guilt, it made me angry. I don't have to apologize! I didn't ask to be beaten! I didn't ask for any of it! And yet, I heard those words so many times, 'You wanted it.' How could it not be true?"
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